Mozza is one of my favourite go-to places to eat in St Andrews. Their pizzas and deals are ideal for students who want to eat out on a budget. For £5, I can get a pretty good pizza that satisfies my salty cravings. Herbed ham swimming on melted mozzarella as they lay on the bed of a really soft dough? Yes please! Aubergine and courgette as a vegetarian option? Absolutely delicious! The £1 pizza that they offered during Freshers’ Week 2017? Genius!
But now, despite all this, I have a bone to pick with them. Mozza, why are there potatoes and mayo on your pizza?
Mozza details their pizza number 11 as “mozzarella, Italian sausage, mashed potato, rosemary, black pepper, mayo, olive oil.” Yup, you read that right: POTATO AND MAYO ON A PIZZA. And, yes, it tastes as disgusting as it sounds. It’s hard to describe the taste, but it’s almost like walking in a hot desert with only vinegar to drink — just a horrifying combination.
I immediately asked my Italian friend if this combination was acceptable. “ABSOLUTELY NOT” she replied, adding, “Italy has pizza with potatoes but NO MAYO.”
Even though I find it atrocious that carbs could be topped with way more carbs, I guess I have to forgive Mozza for the potatoes on pizza idea. But I will not abide the mayo. Italy’s pizza con le patate just has finely sliced potatoes, rosemary, virgin olive oil, and salt and pepper. That’s it. There is no mayo in the pizza con le patate. There is absolutely no reason for them to put mayo on a pizza.
This is not the first time that there has been a pizza with mayonnaise on top. After angrily googling, I shockingly found that there are already too many pizzas with mayonnaise in existence: mayo and peas, mayo and tomatoes, mayo and ham. It was even more traumatizing for me when I found out that Japan’s Domino’s has already produced a pizza with potato and mayonnaise. As someone who’s half Japanese, this makes me ashamed of a country. Maybe it is common for Japan’s potato salad to have mayonnaise embedded in mashed potatoes but having mayo on top of potatoes ON A PIZZA is just never the right combination.
Call it their attempt at fusion. After all, pizzas are no longer unique to Italians, but have become a vital part of other cultures. Chicago has their deep-dish pizza, and New York has their own twist, so maybe it’s okay for Mozza to have their mayo and potato pizza, right? Wrong, absolutely wrong. Just like the travesty of putting Philadelphia cheese in sushi (this rant will be for another time), mayo and potatoes pizza is the kind of fusion that should never, ever exist in the first place.
But everyone has their own preferences. If you liked Mozza’s pizza number 11, please write a letter to the editor explaining why and how it is a better option than the rest (like number 8 – gorgonzola, parma ham, and artichoke). I am unable to comprehend how someone could even find it edible. Not only for the revolting taste but health-wise, that’s carbs on carbs on carbs. I understand that it’s already unhealthy to be eating the oily pizzas in the first place, but this pizza is the worst of the worst.
I get it, potatoes are bland. Mozza probably thought that adding mayonnaise would amp up the taste. However, you know what else could go with potatoes? A really good cheesy, creamy white sauce. Even a tomato sauce that the potato slices could really soak up would make a world of difference. If Mozza badly wanted potatoes on pizzas to be a success in St Andrews, they should be adding an actually delicious sauce instead of lazily adding some mayonnaise.
I am not saying that mayonnaise is bad. I actually really like mayonnaise. Whether it’s burgers or in Japanese fried chicken, it works really well, especially when mixed with other types of sauces (for example, the katsu sauce in Combinico has mayonnaise in it – yum). Even potatoes themselves are not bad. If cooked right, they could be moist and with the right sauce, they could be divine (take potato gratin for example). Potatoes are good, mayonnaise is delicious, and pizzas are to die for. But a combination of them is pure hell.
So please dear Mozza, stop breaking my heart. Take the number 11 out of your menu. If you want to keep it, that would be disappointing but fine, I will try to lower my standards. The only thing I am begging you is to please take out the mayonnaise. Grazie.