Adopting kids is a big responsibility. You need to love them, home them and clothe them, and teach them to be good, kind people. You can only hope that they take your dashing good looks, impeccable genes and faultless parenting advice as they fledge the nest, open their wings and fly off into the big, bad world.
We are often told by our parents before us that this is the single hardest job in the world – and yet we choose to undertake this adoption process during the most stressful time in our lives, whilst studying for our undergraduate degree..!
There seems to be a social status involved in having children – choose to remain childless, and you will be deemed as a social outcast. Yet even worse – fail to become the apple of a parent’s eye, and you will forever be seen as a poor little orphan, deprived of a loving university experience.
To ensure that hard work doesn’t come in the way of good parenting, here is a quick guide to spoonfeed you through the dos and don’ts of academic adoption.
Budget. Kids are expensive. They eat and drink a lot, expect to be bought spectacular costumes for the infamous foam fight (it’s like prom), and then there is the slight financial burden of further education…
Get married. Having a partner to share in the highs and lows is part of the thrills of parenthood. Whether it be attending a weekly sport match, or rather grimly wiping the dribble from their mouth after a heavy night, you will forever cherish the shared memories.
Adopt from every nation. Like in every family set-up, things will undoubtably get heated over dinner time conversations, and you do not need to add national tension to this. Quibbling over medal rankings in the Olympic Games should be avoided like the plague.
Rush into commitment. Children really are for a lifetime. It is not socially acceptable to lose your children, and you will need to keep polite contact with your them no matter how much of a disappointment they turn out to be in future years.
Be kind and respectful towards your parents. Being anything but will turn round to backfire on you during the Raisin weekend activities. Learn their favourite coffee and muffin combination, and be sure to tell them that you love them, and that they look nice on a regular basis.
Be prepared to get embarrassed. Parents are out to make you feel awkward, and so the sooner you embrace the fact that you will find yourself in a social suicide situation, the better. This does not mean that they do not love you, honest.
Make a horribly drunken first impression. Unless you wish to be adopted by a slightly creepy uncle figure, keep your cool when mingling with potential parents otherwise poor decisions will be made.
Accept multiple parenting offers. Parents get really miffed when they find out that you have another mummy, and no matter have clever you think you are – you will not be able to keep this a secret forever.