The Relegation Battle: Who will beat the drop?

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photo courtesy of WikiCommons

At time of writing, only 6 points separate 11th placed Southampton from 18th placed Wigan. With Reading and QPR seemingly down it’s going to be an intriguing finish to the end of the season, but here’s what I think is going to happen…

Di Canio will instill a new sense of belief at Sunderland (most likely by offending at least 3 of his own players) but that will be enough to see them go on a good run and pick up points on the way. Meanwhile, Stoke begin finding new ways to make the pitch at the Britannia even smaller to aid their long ball game, last I hear they’re going to ask the F.A if they can install a 7-a-side pitch. They unfortunately won’t succeed with the F.A, not because of the proposal itself but mainly because the F.A are too busy dealing with Newcastle’s most recent request. The Toon Army want to open the transfer window early so that they can sign another obscure Ligue 1 player. Pierre Aubameyang get your passport at the ready.

Wigan will be doing what Wigan always do this time of the year: actually start taking the league seriously. Martinez must really love April – must be the extra hour of sunlight, eh Roberto? Norwich will slowly realise that trying to rebuild the Leeds team from a couple years ago was never going to work  in the Premier League(yes Howson, Snodgrass, Johnson and Becchio I’m looking at you).

What’s that though? QPR have started playing football again? Shaun Wright-Phillips has actually started to live up to his potential? Adel Taarabt has finally learned how to pass a ball? Djibril Cisse has stopped changing his haircut? With QPR picking up points it will come down to the final day of the season in which 5 or 6 teams could still go down. Man City play Norwich on the last day of the season, I hear that Aguero chap quite enjoys last day drama. Norwich will go down courtesy of a last minute bicycle kick from Aguero – failing that, a tap-in works exactly the same. Stoke play away at Southampton and watching Stoke play away is like watching Bambi learning to walk. Pochettino will keep Southampton up and finally decides to take English lessons over the summer. With Norwich and Stoke both losing, all Newcastle have to do is not lose. Shame that they’re playing Arsenal who need to win to get top 4. Rumour has it that if Arsenal come outside the top 4, Arsenal will lose all their best players to bigger teams. Oh wait, they’ve already sold Nasri, Fabregas and Van Persie. Never mind. Either way, Newcastle will just stay up seeing Norwich and Stoke join Reading in the championship next year.

You heard it here first.

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