The Association President, along with the Director of Representation, is responsible for representing student interests to the University and external organisations, including the government. They are helped by the Students’ Representative Council in their activities, and they in turn control the SRC’s discretionary fund.
Puns, customised cupcakes, the notion that it’s remotely important, strangers trying to talk to me and the unfair advantage of people who have bothered to make friends during university. Not only do I barely have any friends, but I am actively disliked by vast swathes of the local population. It is not a level playing field.
What can we expect to see from the Jamie Ross campaign?
Nothing. There is no campaign. There is me, sitting in the dark, constantly refreshing a Facebook event page. If you see me handing out a flier or wearing a t-shirt with a hashtag on it then all that I am is very much dead.
Have you been working on your waving technique in preparation for potentially being President?
The kind of leader I’ll model myself on is more inclined to do a military salute than a wave.
Besides your dress sense and educational background (“attended a school where ‘glass’ was a verb”), how do you plan to go about widening access?
In an effort to repair our reputation, I will lobby for the expulsion of anyone who attends a ‘dress like a chav’ pub crawl.
What is your stance on accommodation in St Andrews?
All landlords are thieves and halls are absurdly expensive except Albany Park which ghettoises the poor as Louise Richardson gobbles down four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie inside her baronial castle. But do Association Presidents have the power to do anything about it? Do they cack.
Where do you stand on Union redevelopment?
Don’t care, I’ll be gone by the time it happens. I’ll delegate my involvement to some freshers. Conciliar government is the upside of voting in a president who intends to do as little as possible.
How would you communicate with the student body?
Finally, how do you plan to participate in the hecklings (“Under the laws of the Association you HAVE TO ATTEND your hecklings in order to be eligible to run”) without leaving your flat?
If I told you that, they’d change the rules to prevent it. However, I will say that it is nothing short of a disgrace that hecklings are compulsory, effectively eliminating the socially anxious from the election process. If I am disqualified on a technicality, I implore these people to rise up. I am the Rosa Parks of people who struggle to maintain eye contact.