Presidential Inauguration? Bangs on!



On 21 January 2013, President Obama was inaugurated for a second time on the steps of the United States Capitol in Washington, D.C., in front of a crowd of 800,000 people, an event to celebrate his continued leadership over the free world for four more years to come.

While officially commemorating the 150th anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation (which freed all slaves in Confederate America) and themed ‘Faith in America’s Future’, the inauguration was overwhelmed by certain key players. Even the President himself admitted that he was hardly the crowd favorite. At an inaugural ball on Monday evening, he told the audience, ‘To address the most significant event of the weekend, I love her bangs’. This statement was in reference to his wife Michelle’s recent haircut.

Other members of the Obama family with higher approval ratings than Barack include his two daughters, Malia and Sasha. Much attention was devoted to their fashion choices for the big day, as they always result in sold-out items and new trends among the American populace. (In case you were wondering: Malia wore a coat by J.Crew, Sasha wore one by Kate Spade, and their mother wore Thom Browne.)

But perhaps the most important person at the inauguration was neither an elected figure nor an Obama. No – the most important person in attendance was Queen B herself. Invited to sing the national anthem following Mr. Obama’s inaugural address, Beyoncé gave a rousing performance.

Shortly thereafter, the online news source, BuzzFeed, published ‘The 22 Most Fabulous Beyoncé Moments From The Inauguration’. The 14th most fabulous moment was ‘when the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES gave her a standing ovation at his inauguration’.

However, Beyoncé’s performance soon took a turn for the scandalous when allegations that she had, in fact, lip-synced the anthem broke out. Her accompanists’ spokesperson (of the Marine Corps Band) said that, at the last minute, Beyoncé chose to lip-sync to prerecorded music. The Pentagon soon issued a statement that Beyoncé was not able to rehearse with the band and perhaps faced extenuating circumstances, such as the freezing weather or equipment failure, which help explain her decision. Thus marks the Pentagon’s hard work smoothing over diplomatic controversies.

The American public’s response to this revelation was outrage, along with some opportunistic humor. In a satirical article from the New Yorker magazine about ‘Beyoncé-gate’, the writer addresses (totally fake) congressional Republicans’ demands for the president’s resignation. The congressmen claim that ‘this President has something to hide’ and that there is no way of knowing that ‘President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office’ as a result of the scandal.

In other news, a Republic congressional aide actually said that inauguration organizers ‘promised Beyoncé, but… delivered Milli Vanilli instead’. Despite the controversy surrounding the event, President Obama can rest assured that he was the direct cause of none of it. If he requires further consolation, he can despair with Jay-Z (a.k.a. Mr. Beyoncé), of whom he once said: ‘We both have daughters, and our wives are more popular than we are. So, you know, we’ve got a little bond there. It’s hard, but it’s OK’.

Photo credits: Wiki Commons


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