As yet another academic year draws to a close and The Saint prepares to shut up shop for the summer, I believe now would be an appropriate time to perhaps look back on some of the more notable events of the past eight months and put it all into perspective. There certainly hasn’t been any shortage of newsworthy goings on in our little town.
The arsenal of pub ammo has seen a significant increase in size for the average student of St Andrews thanks to various tales of feuding fraternities, pigeon persecutions and Facebook fads. So let us look back on such events so that they might be committed to the annals of our mind where they truly belong.
Where to start? KONY 2012 seems as good a place as any I suppose. Yes back in March one man’s ego (Jason Russell) had grown to such dizzying heights that he considered himself perfect for the task of single-handedly plotting the downfall of a warlord who had terrorised significant portions of three countries in central Africa.
In Russell’s defence, his cute little video certainly got people talking about the issue. A serious problem that had afflicted one of the darker corners of the globe for years was finally being shoved down the throats of the apathetic.
The problem was that a lot more people were simply talking about how much of a prat this Jason Russell chap actually is. So much so, that rumours of a RUSSELL 2013 movement were abounding so as to rid the world of the biggest douchebag still at large. This is a guy who spent a few weeks “finding himself” in Uganda one summer, only to end his trip making absurd promises simply to maintain the erection he got whenever he did something he saw as charitable.
Did anyone else pick up on that part in the video where he filmed his child saying how he wanted to grow up just to be like him?
The rest of the video, while at times slightly sickening and egoistic, was at least in keeping with the actual aim of the whole thing.
How his son’s sycophantism was relevant to stopping Kony is entirely beyond me but then again, I can’t pretend to be anywhere near as media savvy as Russell. I’m sure someone in Taste knows.
In the end, KONY 2012 had been and gone in the blink of an eye, but what can we take from the whole thing? Not much really except that anyone who invited you to join a KONY 2012 related facebook group is an idiot; as is anyone who posted one of the three or four posters around town last Friday. If you are one of those people, please take them down and clean up the mess. No one gives a damn about Kony anymore. I don’t even think Uganda gives a damn anymore.
In other news, The Stand finally gave boring people something to read. Tired of The Saint’s monopoly over mediocre student journalism a number of shiny new websites cropped up to offer the same three stories each fortnight that our town has to offer. While some fell to the wayside (although a quick google will tell you The White Lady is in fact still up and running) The Stand’s slick website proved irresistible for the hoards of young St Andreans happy to entertain themselves with yet another delightful account of two strangers’ blind date.
I jest of course. All petty feuds aside the University’s ever improving coverage of the various news-worthy stories can only ever be a good thing and long may it continue. Plus all the C.V. fodder that has been provided thanks to this burgeoning market will only do wonders for the employment rate of the average St Andrews graduate..
Lastly, just in case it didn’t get enough coverage at the time, the Kate Kennedy Club announced it would be accepting women into their ranks. Inequality and discrimination would reign no longer for those who see themselves as custodians of our town’s ancient (they’re not ancient, they’re old) traditions.
One woman was said to be overheard screaming down Market Street, overcome by the news, as it dawned on her she had at last been given the right to organise what is essentially a walk down South Street in fancy dress.
What was mistaken as an accoutrement to 4/20 celebrations was in fact the result of bra burners everywhere lighting up in triumph. Where that leaves the future of the KK is anybody’s guess. I imagine any female that dares to apply will be made about as welcome as a paedophile in a playground, but who’s to say?
Spurned on by these events, an extremist wing within FemSoc has begun to build pressure on The Other Guys to soon become The Other People.
So that’s about it really. One bloke pulled the head off an unsuspecting pigeon, a bearded man was led around the quad a few times on a sad looking horse and the town played host to its usual collection of noncey events. All in all a wonderful year here in The Bubble. If you missed any of it I wouldn’t worry. Despite all the drama that this year has offered, I doubt there’ll be much in the future different to that in the past.
So enjoy your summers. Read something good instead of the dross you see before you.
And, most importantly, when your meeting with the CEO of that company you intern for is over, remember