If You Like COD and Doritos: Read
| The other day I woke up hungover. Guess what I wanted? A bong. |
No glass of water, not an overpriced North Point breakfast or morning sex with my girlfriend’s death breath. I wanted to light one up and listen to the latest Coldplay album. I wanted to put my laptop on my bed and watch the latest episode of Family Guy. I wanted to forget the pain in my stomach and the throbbing in my head. Alas, my ‘stash’ was dry.
The problem with this town is it goes through dry spells that leave many pot-loving college liberals shriveled up in the corners of their room scratching their wrists and speaking to their invisible friend Alfred. In fact, I find myself there right now writing this article. I feel cold and alone. What’s that you say Alfie? It’s going to be okay pal, we’ll get some soon. You don’t know how long you can last? Shall we both go on a killing spree instead?
Alas, I decided to put the homicidal thoughts aside and instead write this article. Back to my ode to marijuana.
It’s the most economic drug on the market. For around 20 quid you can have yourself probably five good nights of fun. It’s not physically addictive. It’s never caused an overdose. You don’t act like a complete a-hole out in town. You aren’t going to be getting into any fights – in fact has anyone seen stoned people get into a fight? If you do, contact me, I want to hear that story. You won’t do something that you regret the next morning, apart from eating one too many Angel Slices. It makes sex even better. It makes music sound amazing. It even makes bad films enjoyable. It slows down time – the only problem there being how long it takes for a Tesco Pizza to cook. Actually the only true issue with pot in my mind is that it makes conversations with those who are not high incredibly straining.
In fact, it is my hypothesis that this is why weed is illegal and alcohol is not. Who hasn’t had that experience where you struggle to have a conversation with someone but then after a couple glasses of wine it starts flowing? Therefore, I believe alcohol is in part legal because people throughout the ages use it as a lubricant to initiate otherwise woeful chat. Furthermore, I think it is also legal because it allows for individuals to be blatantly sexual without having to feel awkward or ashamed. It provides a veil over your actions in getting with that 5/10 girl or groping someone near the bar. Alcohol really is a beautiful drug in that sense. You can act like a complete jerk, smashing glass on public property, piss on the corners of streets and laugh it off the morning after as if you are pardoned because ‘Hey, I was so smashed last night!’
There are people that are reading this right now thinking here goes another stoner who’s talking about how great pot is. Yeah, and? I personally find it hysterical that these same people are probably reading this column going, what a loser, as they find themselves going to the Union three times a week, getting wrecked on alcohol, spew in their rooms and end up outside Dervish crying because they dropped their chips and cheese.
Take a look in the mirror hypocrites. I embrace, and indeed dabble, in the beautiful excesses of drunken nights fuelled by alcohol. But that doesn’t mean that a rational being could see that, when abused, it can be a really terrible drug. This of course is the case with anything: if it is abused – it is bad. Everything in moderation.
Do the same with us and light one up. I think you will find that you will have a great time lying on the couch playing COD or taking a trip to Tesco to find a 2 for 1 deal on Doritos. I promise you it won’t end up in tears or spew. The worst that will happen is you go to sleep and wake up in the morning having a deep, beautiful sleep.
This isn’t propoganda, this is merely the truth. Mothers and fathers, I’m not trying to indoctrinate your kids into smoking pot. I’m merely saying that if anyone has an ounce of common sense and rationality they would realize that it is good from time to time to roast a fat one. There’s a Steve Martin quote that goes ‘don’t criticize things you don’t know about’. Think about it. If you do, I’ll probably end up seeing you at Tesco around 11pm.
The only issue with pot you see in your mind is bad conversation? Well, take another look. And next time you want to profess pride over such honourable habits, use a real name. Also, FYI: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-10681249
Seriously guys? This is what The Saint has come to? This article is neither funny, illuminating, nor even remotely well-written. I'm personally flabbergasted that The Saint's editors even considered this a worthy piece for publication.
Sorry Ben this is poorly written article, how do you know there aren't any fights? Where are the statistics what are your sources? The Saint how about having some standards??? I'd rather see an article of you saying why Marijuana is illegal. Also, your theory on alcohol... omg... like dude seriously? Basing it on personal experience does not make it a fact, so please some sources and stats (once again). And it's not because everyone does it that it should be sociably acceptable, to give you an idea, I went to a bar with a mate (British) in South America and we ran into this group of drunk Brits, my feelings towards these guys was reflected on the faces of the locals. They were disgusted, i'll tell you why, these brits were loud beyond necessary, made extremely vulgar comments, and annoyed everyone, In the UK and some other western cultures they'd be considered 'lads', at this bar in South America, they just emphasize that drinking is the curse of the insecure, I'm sorry there's nothing to admire in a society/culture where drinking to excess and violating other ppls rights is seen as something positive.And for the record I don't get smashed, au contraire, I actually enjoy having recollection of my night outs. ps: Nothing wrong with doing an opinionated article but if you are at least find sources and stats to back your arguments. pps: I look forward to reading your next article!
Great responses guys, much appreciated! Let me begin with Francesca: 1.Obviously not the only issue with weed is bad conversation. Ill effects to lungs and short term memory are serious problems which science has addressed. However, I think you will find, if you in fact do some research that alcohol has been continually proven to be a drug which is more addictive, dehabilitating and misused. For instance, I have three relatives who have been in AA, and all my relatives have smoked green and no one has become an addict and had to see counsel for help. 2. Your link misses the point. For yes, undoubtedly there are drug related violence, but that is because weed is illegal. Make it legal, and government can regulate and take away the hand that feeds these Mexican drug wars. This rhetoric is beginning to gain momentum in U.S. Democratic politics. A third year: Why thank you. Pedro: Love the name. It was not meant as a statistical statement, I was asking-has anyone ever seen two stoned people fight? I'm sure there has, but it would be an entirely rare occurence. I think when it comes down to it you agree with my po int, there is indeed 'nothing to admire ina society/culture where drinking to ecess and violating other ppls rights is seen as something positive'. Yet we DO condone this behaviour! I am saying that this needs to end, if in the same breath we put down those who smoke weed, watch tv and go to sleep in the privacy of their own homes. I'm sorry that you think this is below the standards of The Saint. I am again thankful, for taking time out of your day to create a great conversation-which is exactly what I wanted. God Bless
I would like to just say quickly that all of the above content officially meets the "standards" of the Viewpoint section of The Saint. We publish argued opinions that promote discussion. And that's what's been done here.
Ben: did I say that drinking was good for people's health? No. Did I argue against making weed legal? No. Do I care about the long-term effects of smoking weed? Not at all. I am arguing againts the fact that people do it despite knowing what effects it has on society. And what your article demonstrates is that people really don't care. I just find it hard not to see this as a disappointing reality, let alone something one should praise.
Ben, thanks for sharing your views. On JH Ramsay's note that The Saint aims to stimulate discussion, though... God, your view is obnoxious. I suppose this comment has nothing to do with the crux of your argument here... weed very probably is enjoyable, but I want to see better writing in this publication! Regular marijuana users are categorically NEVER the kind of dynamic, prolific, wonderful people I wanted to meet on coming to university. They tend to be slow and half-assed and stupidly adamant in trying to pass off their psychedelic high-babble for ambition. Also, I find your comfortable male 'yewnii student' tone insulting. Your girlfriend's 'death breath?' She's probably not the one with cotton mouth. This article is a damn shame for a university that I thought was better. People come here to engage and debate and learn from their peers, not to fuck around at the union and end every night high at Dervish. UGH.
Francesca is 'arguing against the fact that people do it despite knowing what effects it has on society'. This seems indisputable, seeing as marijuana is illegal and, by buying it, you are committing a crime and adding to the revenues of the criminal dealer. But, if marijuana were legalised, would there still be a negative effect to society? If there won't be (a fact regularly admitted by everyone from the ex-head of MI5 to the former presidents of Colombia, Mexico and Brazil), then we can see the negative effects on society result from the illegality of the drug and not from use of the drug itself. The marijuana user recognises, just as many social revolutionaries have recognised before, that what is illegal is not necessarily wrong: the consumption of marijuana is a form of civil disobedience. If teddy bears were made illegal, forcing the consumer into buying them on the black market, would that make the consumer a criminal, or would it make the law wrong? 'If the high didn't solve whatever it was that was getting you down, it could at least help you laugh at the world's ongoing folly and see through all the hypocrisy and bullshit and cheap moralism.' -- Barack Obama; Dreams from My Father (August 1996); pg. 87