Porn in libraries? Come on!

0

If there’s one thing humans love to do, it’s complain. Case in point: examine the entire Viewpoint section, or take a brief scroll down Facebook’s news feed. As an avid practitioner of this particular discipline (as are, I am sure, most of you reading this) I asked myself, “are there any better ways of passing an hour than bitching about something?” The answer to this is “many.” But that’s beside the point.

As you most probably haven’t heard, New Yorkers are now completely free to peruse internet porn in their public libraries. This is due to porn’s protection under the right to free speech, which is apparently another way of saying “doing anything anywhere.” To absolutely no one’s surprise, this resulted in a shit-storm of angry responses from those no doubt relishing the opportunity to bitch about something other than the royal wedding or Obama’s birth certificate.

Now, this amendment to library regulations is delightful for several reasons: it makes for great “wait – what?” news, is a commendable method by which to offend others, and, most importantly, significantly increases the odds of getting rid of any children in the vicinity (a difficult feat to accomplish – I’ve tried).

Nevertheless, it must be observed that there is a time and a place for everything, and those tacit conventions are most hilarious when broken – plus, they have the additional benefits of providing more things to whine about.

Possibly less concerning than the notion that smut can now publicly abound is the fact that those currently pioneering the fine art of openly surveying erotica are almost intrinsically creepy by virtue of their practice.

I don’t know about you, but when I go to a library the very last thing I want to learn is that the guy at table 7 is totally aroused by Cherry Poppins XXX. Honestly, the kinds of people choosing to get their rocks off in the middle of a library are probably those who can’t manage to do it elsewhere and are therefore incompetent/desperate/the very last people anyone would want to watch partaking in such a hobby.

Let us illustrate this point with the encounter of one Daisy Nazario at the Brooklyn Central Library, who was working next to an elderly patron who had been minding his own business engaging in the deep contemplation of a boisterous threesome.
To the old man’s credit, there were side panels open so that the porn could not be seen, but only heard, by those next to him (evidently the ‘silent library’ days are woefully outdated).

Suspiciously absent from the news article is Nazario’s account of the look on this man’s face as he scrutinised the writhing nakedness before him. I posit that this omission is no accident but the result of memory repression, taking for evidence factors like “a stranger’s face in his state of arousal” and “common sense.”

Let us not lose sight, however, of the most important variable in this equation: the “elderly patron.” That’s right. Those engaging in this pastime include crusty old men, probably because they can’t do it around their wives and don’t know how to clear internet history at home. Is the previously soothing landscape of the library now to be spoiled by the views and sounds of impotents trying to get off?

Unpleasant though this thought is, the man did tell spectators to piss off. Now, I sympathise with this. After all, when I am hard at work (no) in a public information space I know I don’t like to be bothered by flocking onlookers. Though it begs the question, how much privacy does this guy expect – nay, demand – when he is watching a threesome in a library?

His sense of entitlement warms my heart. He strolls in, subjects others to the uncomfortable awareness of his arousal, and then becomes offended when acknowledged. This is legal? It’s also hilarious.

Is the realisation of this bizarre and frankly uncomfortable transition of private to public avocation something that actually inspires in me a gleeful revelry of the distasteful?

Yes.

And to celebrate I am going to joyously bitch about it.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.