William & Kate: The Movie

The William and Kate lookalikes, starring as the lead roles in 'William and Kate: The Movie'

For students at St Andrews, wedding fever has reached a new heights. Today saw the Channel 5 premier of ‘William and Kate: The Movie’. For those of you who haven’t seen the trailer, this film is the American adaptation we’ve all been waiting for – the dramatic interpretation of Wills and Kate’s romance on the silver screen. So fantastic, it went straight to DVD, no faffing around with that whole cinema nonsense. This film is so far removed from reality that you begin to wonder whether someone isn’t just playing a rather elaborate practical joke.

The strangest part about watching this particular television adaptation was their depiction of St Andrews as a university town. This must be what it feels like to have someone make a film dramatisation of your life. The buildings looked like a set from an American sitcom, the sun was always shining (classic Scotland), the library was a huge parquet-floored, chandelier-decked, mock-Gothic construction and don’t get me started on the DONT WALK fashion show scene. There was one faint resemblance, however, Will’s 21st birthday party did look vaguely reminiscent of the Bongo Ball.

Filmed almost entirely on set in Los Angeles, California, there is little about ‘William and Kate: The Movie’ that even remotely resembles real life. The acting was bad, but the lookalikes were even worse. Though interestingly, the actor playing William was significantly better looking than his real-life model, whilst Kate was rather less so.

From a film heroine point of view, Kate started off as your typical spunky, ‘don’t-take-crap-from-no-one’ kind of gal. However, not long after falling into a relationship with the future King, Kate turns into a miserable, moping wreck. As William goes off to train at an unrealistic looking Sandhurst, Kate wallows in self-pity, draping herself in various homes across Britain. Weeping into her bedroom pillow, whiling away hours in the bath sobbing into her glass of Merlot, Kate became every man’s worst nightmare. A particular low was when she screamed frantically down the phone to Will “I MISS YOU!!”, as he hung up on the other end. However, this was preceded by an equally cringe-worthy moment, where William serenades Kate in the French Alps.

Weepy Kate

I won’t ruin the ending for you; I know you all must be itching to find out what happens next. I’m pretty sure Kate and Wills were watching this too, tuned into Channel 5 in Clarence House. Who would miss watching a film adaptation of their own life? I would also bet a fair amount of money that the Middletons were watching too, huddled around their television, rubbing their hands with glee. Finally, the fame they’ve always dreamt about.


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